Category: Musings

The amount of money spent on a wedding is not directly proportional to its awesomeness

Well, it's officially a trend with me.  Someone pisses me off, and I come online to tell everybody how I feel.  Today's targets are newbie photographers who complain that their work isn't good because they're not photographing "wealthy" clients,  dropping lots of coin on their weddings.  And that, my friends, is ridiculous. But let's forget the photographers for a minute, because I want to speak to a more general audience.  The wedding industry is, let's face it, pretty seriously evil.  At every turn, The Knot or whatever other incarnation of the "wedding experts" is telling you to buy more stuff and buy it now - you're behind!  The whole wedding will be a disaster if you don't have napkin rings!  How can you possibly not have hired a calligrapher yet!? I've seen a lot of weddings at this point, both with my own clients and in my experiences assisting other photographers.  I've worked very "high-end" weddings (Building Museum, anyone?) and much less expensive weddings.  And I can tell you right now that the amount of money you spend on your wedding has very little to do with its awesomeness.  I assisted at a wedding where the bride's mother was so stressed about everything going off perfectly (after all, they had spent a fortune on the event) that she barely spoke to anyone other than the planners and catering manager.  And I've seen low-key weddings filled with more joy and love and sweetness than any photographer could hope for.  And vice versa. And okay, maybe it's my niche.  My clients don't tend to spend big on decor, but they do drop coin on food.  They don't tend to have huge bridal parties, but still manage to fill their getting-ready hotel rooms with friends and family.  They get married in back yards and churches and hotels and vineyards and historic mansions and campgrounds - in other words, all over the place, at a huge range of venue prices - but they hire me to capture the spirit of their day.  I am, at heart, a documentary photographer.  I'm not going to spend ages photographing the details - there's much more important thing to capture, like people.  If you are primarily an editorial photographer, then I do suppose I could see how richer might equal better.  But, frankly, that seems really sad to me.  And backward.  And makes me really glad I focus on people and moments and emotions.  When wedding vendors stress stuff ("details") over everything else, I find it immensely depressing. The point is, the amount of money you spend on your wedding is not the determining factor in how awesome it is.  I could rattle off the things I don't think you should skimp out on, but that's beside the point.  You and your friends and family bring the awesome, regardless of the setting.  Getting all those folks together is enough, full stop.  Is this blasphemy from a wedding photographer?  Yeah, maybe.  But here's the rub.  I don't get hired by folks that don't care about wedding photography.  I don't get hired by the couple that figures they "just" need a wedding photographer, so they go with whoever.  I feel very fortunate that the folks who hire me are deeply invested in what their wedding photos look like.  It gives me great joy to exceed their expectations. So let me roll on back to the photographers for a minute.  The new photographers who think their images are no good because they're not shooting at the Ritz.  First, it is our job to make a wedding look great.  This is easier in some situations than others, but is no less true in a church basement than at the Four Seasons.  I'm going to go ahead and paraphrase Jasmine Star here, who said to shoot T-Ball weddings like the World Series.  And the fact of the matter is that if you can't make a church basement look good, you're going to have a hell of a time at the Four Seasons, too.  And here's one more quote, which I said, earlier today, in a forum where this subject came up and pissed me off and sent me to my own "make new post" page:

Treat your clients and their weddings with compassion, and it will show in your work.

If you can do this, you will have happy clients.  Respect, value and show compassion to your clients - regardless of what they've spent on their wedding - and you will produce better work. And PS: if this resonates with you, go check out A Practical Wedding.  It's a very active blog that talks about weddings in a way that almost no other wedding blog does - honestly, without a lot of frou-frou nonsense, and tackles the hard subjects.
Permanent link to this post (794 words)
by Amber Categories: MusingsTags: ,

You are really great just as you are

I got a package in the mail today and it scared me.  The package was from a local dentist.  She was advertising her teeth whitening services, saying that I might recommend whitening to my clients.  At first, I thought she must be mistaking me for a dentist.  I turned the envelope over and, nope, she's addressed the envelope to "Amber Wilkie Photography."  Suddenly it dawned on me - she wants me to recommend aesthetic enhancement to my clients.  And that just pisses me off. If there's nowhere else you're going to hear it today, hear it from me: you are really great just as you are.  Not 10 pounds lighter, not with more makeup, not with whiter teeth.  You are really great when you smile - when you really smile.  No, you do not have an ugly laugh.  Your crooked nose?  I didn't notice.  And if it is crooked?  Dude, own it.  That's your nose. I know it can be a hard thing to do.  I have messed up skin and before I learned how to (mostly) keep things under control, I used to scratch myself at night.  I have some scarring on my legs, and it used to make me so embarrassed.  And at some point, I had to stop wearing only pants or always having tights on - it was damn hot!  And I used to say to myself: "They might not be perfect, but they're the only legs you've got."  Somehow that mantra gave the confidence to just do my thing.  And maybe part of that is having a husband who tells me I'm beautiful and really seems to mean it.  You've got one of those - use him! (or her!) Wedding photographers get a lot of slack about photographing only beautiful people, or only showing beautiful people on their blog.  Hear this!  I have blogged every single wedding and engagement session I have ever shot (barring the ones people didn't want shown).  People are beautiful when they are happy, when they are laughing.  People are beautiful when they are joyful.  Brides are radiantly beautiful - not just because they have had professional hair and makeup done - but because they are thrilled to be marrying their life partner.  Grooms look dashing as hell on their wedding day - not just because they are freshly-shaved and in a swanky suit - but because they are committing their lives to the only person they can imagine doing so with. Love is beautiful.  People in love are beautiful.  And they don't need to whiten their teeth to be that way.
Permanent link to this post (427 words, 1 image)
by Amber Categories: Musings

Quitting the day job, people to whom I am exceedingly grateful and, as if you wanted to hear it, how busy I’ve been the last few weeks

I quit my job last week.  It wasn’t an I’ve-had-it-up-to-here spur-of-the-moment regret-it-immediately decision.  I’d been planning to make the move for a while, ever since my goal for the year got blown away and then doubled… and then my bookings moved from “manageable with a bit less sleep” to “no life whatsoever besides shooting, editing, client management and… the day job.”  Something clearly had to give.  And it did. I started writing this post the day I said the words, but of course I was too busy to actually finish it and now I’m a week out and have had some time to actually enjoy my freer schedule.  It has been, in a word, relaxing.  I actually watched a movie this week.  I cooked dinner for my husband.  I cleaned.  I’ve started to tackle all of the projects that just couldn’t make it onto the must-do list (cleaning my “area” of the house, laundry, website/branding stuff, reaching out to old and new friends to catch up, reading a damn magazine).  I’m still busy, but I’m starting to breathe. Things got crazy for me quickly in April.  I more or less had everything under control up to then, even though I was swimming in engagement sessions.  But somewhere early April things started to tip for me, what with a trip to New York to do two engagements, followed the next weekend by a wedding and two engagements, and the following weekend by a boudoir session and two weddings.  The next weekend, I went to New Orleans.  The following, one wedding, one engagement, one headshot and another boudoir session.  And then… I quit.  And this past weekend, I had absolutely no photo work to do whatsoever (besides editing, of course).  Actually, typing this out, I can’t hardly believe I got all of this done and delivered and the way I want it.  And in-between, I was trying desperately to get together my Artomatic space!  And all through the weekdays, looking through my calendar from the past month, I have orange (my color for photography business events) all over the damn weekdays – client meetings, networking events, meetings with other photographers.  In short, I’ve been really busy.  Busier than even I realized up until right now. And looking at this list of things I’ve done the past month, I’m really proud of myself.  Proud that I held it together.  Proud that my clients (hopefully) didn’t realize I was on the edge, just a bit.  Proud that, as of today, everything is delivered.  I have outstanding items with some clients, of course, but they’re not waiting on me.  It’s a beautiful feeling to be able to work on the less urgent matters.  Naturally, I have two weddings this weekend so that all goes out the window tomorrow, but today is nice.  I might even watch another movie. So I quit the job.  Would have been wise of me to quit before everything got crazy, but I set the date months ago knowing this past week was an important one for my organization.  I’ll still be working here part-time for a while (at their request) but spending a lot more time at my other computer.  I don’t have any great revelations about self-employment yet… we’ll see what happens when I really do have to rely on this income. But in the meantime, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped me get to this point.  Just a few years ago, I was a total newbie shooting my friends for a “fake wedding” so I would have portfolio images.  Just a few years ago, I was blogging about what I ate for dinner, just so I would have material and hopefully improve my SEO ranking (for the record, I don’t think I have a single booking from keyword searches, just to be clear).  Not so long ago, I signed a contract with a lady to give her a twenty-two percent commission rate for weddings she sent me (we’ve since dissolved our relationship and I never did actually shoot a wedding on that contract).  In short, not all that long ago, this day seemed like a far away place.  I’m so grateful for the guidance, help, knowledge and money from these amazing folks:
  • My clients.  Obviously.  Especially those first few who took the leap with me.  I recently told my first paying bride that she was – and she either gracefully lied and said she didn’t know or I was playing it that cool.  I never forget what a huge decision a wedding photographer is and I’m really grateful for each and every couple that chooses me to be there on their day.  Every wedding I photograph is an honor, a privilege, and a huge responsibility.
This is a preview of Quitting the day job, people to whom I am exceedingly grateful and, as if you wanted to hear it, how busy I’ve been the last few weeks. Read the full post (1050 words)
by Amber Categories: MusingsTags: ,